6. A. Piss Off. Why do some scientists have cameras on their toilets? I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday. What do octopuses do after using the toilet? 3. We also collected the absolute best funny jokes of all time. You didn't pass Q. Q. An arm and a leg. Why was Eeyore down the toilet? The Super bowl. I hate spelling errors. Why couldnt the pirate play cards? He gives on himself and his sister asks, "Wheres my cup?". "Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore.". What did the urologist say to the associate doctor when he hired him? There you go," said the nurse as she handed her a urine cup. What did the Urologist say to his honey on February 14? There are some peeing tryed jokes no one knows ( to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. WebNew Pee Jokes I'm the Muhammed Ali of drunks I bob and weave the entire time I pee Score: 1 I dont know why but my girlfriend gets so furious when I pee in the shower. Just go with the flow! Why did the toilet seat cry? A. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Next, check out these bar jokes that are hilariously funny. A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlovs dogs and Schrodingers cat. #2 will surprise you! 32. Poop who? 81. 2023, 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! We've collected the best of urine sample jokes and puns just for you. The picked up the phone and said. Dad: Looks like urine trouble! 50. A. Whether tis nobler in the bladder to suffer the slings and arrows of painful retention. To get to the bottom. Knock, knock. Just a little. My uncle proceeded to laugh uncontrollably at his own joke while my four year old cousin stood there looking really confused and my aunt walked away with her arms crossed, angrily trying to hold back her laughter. When you combine two of the most funniest things you get poop one liners. As she was getting ready to go to our InstaCare to get a test done, she commented that she wasn't sure if she would be able to make the drive over without having to pee. Q. Kids will surely love it! There are plenty of places to go at this exit! Sadly, I only got an eye roll from my wife. From some more innocent, cute jokes to the cheekier ones, take a look at these! What do you call it when a racehorse has diarrhea? The man says yes I do, I'm a gambler. The trots! 2. How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb? Their first daughter was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. He does the same thing for four nights. The morning after, Dave wanted some hair of the dog that bit him. Will you pee my Valentine? An arm and a leg. Why dosn't the urologist accept patients that live on islands? Yo mama so fat when she sat on the toilet it sang abcdefg get your fat butt off of me. Why were there balloons in the bathroom? Why did one woman bring toilet paper to the birthday party? 11 r/dadjokes 6 comments u/Beergelden You look flushed! I love my toilet. Its called wedding cake. Im Alabama self. It was clogged. 3.Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road? If youre looking for the biggest laughs from the fewest words, youve come to the right place. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. Our child has a great deal of willpowerand even more wont power. A meaty-urologist. Whos there? A lot of people do have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. We've collected the best of urine sample jokes and puns just for you. Q. 43. Then the agents says that not fair. Did you hear the one about the elephant with diarrhea? 47. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. I apologize in advance as this isn't exactly a joke, but whenever my son (23) asks me this question, I always answer with a wildly incorrect age. Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? Funny, its all over town. 2. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? Gentlemen- whats a shortcut to not piss on the seat? Me: did you know that you can't hear willow ptarmigans go to the bathroom. Dealing with it is very difficult and irritating. A. Keep it flush with the wall. What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee? One has the paws before the claws, and the other has the clause before the pause. Its difficult for some people to relate to what kids are into these days. Did you know a banana is really good against diarrhea? 1. If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Everyones gonna take all the nasal spray from every store. Eclipse it. It got stuck in the crack! Why can you never hear a pterodactyl using the toilet? WebTop 20 Jokes about Pee Two frat boys were stranded at sea in a life boat. A new wine has been made for cats. A Pee Body Award. Children are like farts. Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners? . A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlovs dogs and Schrodingers cat. A. A. There was a birthday potty! He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn. Alabama. Why is the life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than urologists? Because their wives just wouldn't stand for it. I dont really like how you can feel it move though. 79. All these years he'd been letting potential income slip through his fingers. If you have trouble peeing, Urine trouble, I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure. Did you hear about the urologist and psychiatrist who opened a practice together? The agent says that's impossible you've got a deal. 1. We hope you will find these urinary pee. She said she felt like she might possibly have a UTI. Author: punstoppable.com Date Published: 01/10/2021 Ratings: 4.42 When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to pee 2 spots away? A. Whos there? It gets toad away. I used to believe that all things must passuntil I got stuck behind a school bus. Put a bit more formally: And then she giggles. A gummy bear. Kids love knock knock jokes. When should you make vegetable soup in the toilet? He set a new lap record. When you combine two of the most funniest things you get poop one liners. The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. 34. What happens to an illegally parked frog? Q. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. Its funny just saying it. One, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? 23+ Hilarious Funny Clean Jokes that are beyond funny! Because its also called a restroom! So that men can tell if they're coming or going! What do you call a pirate that skips class? We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. 3.Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road? 72. Me: willow ptarmigan (pronounced willow tarmigan. WebA blonde woman came in for a routine physical at the doctors office. The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk and the agent says I got you, he's laughing and happy that he final beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face and the agent asked what's wrong with you and the lawyer replies the man bet me 100,000$ he could piss on your desk and you'd just love it. A. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. You're out! Ayatollah you already. 55. What do a man with diarrhea and an electric car owner have in common? Whos there? A. WebThe man replies alright I have another one, your down 12,500$ I'll bet you 15,000$ if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere. And then, my teacher, who is about as strict and as hard to make laugh as they get, slowly sinks into her table and covers her face. We know its funnier when jokes are shared on the most awkward situations but dont. How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? They both deal with a lot of crap. 3. I am Julia, I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh. the crustacean accused of promoting his own shellfish interests? A. A. Q. Join us on social media and please feel free to share our memes with friends and family: 2017-2021 Painfulpuns.com All rights reserved. Knock, Knock! Q. The doctor told me she would have to take a urine sample. Did you hear about the cat who drank five bowls of water? When the urinal said, "You're full of shit," what did the toilet say? I was going to tell you a poop joke but its really crappy. Dropped a few dad jokes at t in the park last weekend, When did I stop sleeping with my ass in the air- 15, When did I stop dropping my pants and underwear to my ankles to pee at a urinal- 14. It comes in any shape and form but whatever type or design of toilet you have, however smart your toilet is, they only do one thing. more like dad revelations. To get to the bottom! I was curious if this counts as "Dad Joke behavior" and if anyone else does this or has a dad that does it. A. Urologists only work on one bone. Because he was looking for Pooh! Darn tootin'! Ayatollah who? Why do men hate peeing in the child-sized urinals? I was pulling up carpet and padding Sunday because we adopted two very rude Husky puppies last year that like to urinate in the house. Because they have two left feet. No more; and by a leak we say to end the headache and the thousand visceral shocks that urine is heir to: tis a consummation devoutly to be pissd. Q. I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house but the kids still get in. Yeah, they got him on possession. What do you call a sorcerer who only deals in urine magic? Have you seen the movie Diarrhea? 12. We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. A. To make it to the bottom! A. 1. He couldnt budget. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. Why didnt the toilet paper make it across the road? Why did the soldier refuse to flush the toilet? 2. Laugh out loud with our BEST Butt Jokes That Are Just Booty-ful. 85. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined. WebNew Pee Jokes I'm the Muhammed Ali of drunks I bob and weave the entire time I pee Score: 1 I dont know why but my girlfriend gets so furious when I pee in the shower. An easy pill can do the job. Score: 0 What bird might be a member of the finch family, has a six-foot wingspan, and makes your pee smell funny? What is the opposite of urine? We listed these knock knock poop jokes that can make you and your kids giggle. In memory of my Dad, heres his favorite joke: Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Stop making me laugh or Ill puma pants! There you go," said the nurse as she handed her a urine cup. Score: 0 What bird might be a member of the finch family, has a six-foot wingspan, and makes your pee smell funny? Youd think at least one of them would have ducked. Did you hear they arrested the devil? She goes to talk to her husband about it: Aunt: Yes. Its a pain having to deal with constipation. 3. What do you call a hippies wife? The volcano exploded because it couldnt find a lava-tory. Keegan come here. Did you know Chuck Norris had the idea to can his urine as a beverage? Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! Does this taste funny to you?. Go Broncos! Why cant you trust an atom? To get to the other side. To get to the bottom. Q. Everyone has an embarrassingly funny experience with poop. What is the meaning of impotent? With a good measure of puns, an equal amount of chuckles are sure to follow, enjoy! Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. 3. Because there was a surprise birthday potty! The bathroom is over there on your left. Warning: Proceed with Dew Caution! . Why couldnt the pirate play cards? I come again and pee twice. Gifted. Europe. A few minutes later A. Nope. Another thing that happened the same day was I took an opened bag of bird feed out of the closet to pull the carpet up and when I looked at it a bit later, I saw beetles all over the bag and crawling on the counter where I had set it. A. The doctor will see you in a few minutes.. Poop. Poop jokes arent my favorite jokes. Q. So brunettes can remember them. They both hope to make it home. Q. Whats big and brown and behind the wall? Warning: Proceed with Dew Caution! Your own are just about bearable, but everyone elses are horrendous. 11 r/dadjokes 6 comments u/Beergelden 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! A. The other man says, Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!. 3. A cab. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. Nobel. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales. If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ? 37. Wet. My uncle proceeded to laugh uncontrollably at his own joke while my four year old cousin stood there looking really confused and my aunt walked away with her arms crossed, angrily trying to hold back her laughter. The insomnia patient was such a fervent vegetarian that he counted carrots jumping over a fence. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? Knock, knock. What does a man desperate to urinate do in a room full of arrogant people? He never reads any of mine. Well, thats the point, isnt it? Best Poop Jokes and Puns. Urologists have been blessed with golden opportunities, know how to go with the flow, and make the lives of their patients a wee bit better. 5. #1 Point to Ponder: When pee jokes are not funny, why don't we get pissed off? 36. 78. What happened after a truckload of Viagra was stolen? Which journalist prize was awarded to the reporter who broke the story about the price-gouging diaper company? To display your contact list, you must sign in. Besides this, we highly recommend to check out my 30 favorite dad jokes. When a young adult goes to take a leak, does that mean they're a peenager? He never reads any of mine. A rich man is 0ne who isnt afraid to ask the clerk to show him something cheaper. A. Pee-Rex. The egomaniac holds the light bulb while the world revolves around him. You blow me away. He says he just can't come. He worked it out with a pencil. 52. He never reads any of mine. Because he was stuffed. Why did the bakers hands stink? why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth? How many paranoid people does it take to change a light bulb? At the urologist's office, what is a cystoscope? I think theyre the shit. These funny poop jokes will make you giggle in so many levels. 3. ), 15+ Ridiculously Funny Dinosaur Jokes To Laugh and Rawr 2023, 89+ Star Wars Quotes Ultimate Collection 2023: Quotes We All Can Relate To, 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! 6. 2. Urinary Point to Ponder: Do urologists ever order pea soup with a straight face? 8. What degree do you need to examine video urine samples made at various resolutions? A dirty double-crosser. What do you call a guy whos had too much to drink? What do you call a non-religious urologist? Your email address will not be published. Are you the one who signed up for the pee club? Required fields are marked *. We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. 92. The bathroom is over there on your left. My mother was so surprised when I told her I was born again. It needed to be changed! Q. Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee. Q. I had to put my foot down. Doctors say 4 out of 5 people suffer with diarrhea. He looked down to the floor and said : it's running down my legs, A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. A. Son, when you walk the dog you have to pick up its poop. What did the zookeeper say after the python broke free? Subordinate Clauses. A new study shows that one-third of people dont floss, while the other two-thirds couldnt answer with all the local anesthetic in their mouths. 84. Which I immediately followed up with, "Yeah it was. 99. I couldnt tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside. Of course I wouldnt say anything about her unless I could say something good. 97. Read more:FunnyBEST Friend JokesThat Will Knock Them Over! Winter: the season when we try to keep the house as hot as it was in the summer, when we complained about the heat. Number 1 and number 2, What do you call a fairy in the bathroom? If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? Q. You're in for a workout. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agents desk. Pee Point to Ponder: Do funny urine jokes piss you off? Maybe she wont hear me if I turn on the water. WebThe man replies alright I have another one, your down 12,500$ I'll bet you 15,000$ if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere. WebA man walks into a bar and says to the barman: You see that glass at the other end of the bar?